No this article is not about weddings.
So then what is this short memoir really about?
Here it comes, wait for it:
My Life;
Is what it was, so many years ago,
Things I recall from my past-when I feel so inclined.
Memories, often a place we go to in our minds.
Sometimes we get comfort, sometimes only regret.
This of course, is what we know-
Life is lived, in the moment, the right now.
As I think-I write.
I write what I think.
There is no pause, there is no way to go back.
I think,
Therefore- it happens.
As I write, I recall my regrets.
I also recall, so many joyous days.
The warmth, the caring, the love,
Yet from time to time-
We all get caught in a riff-
A tune we hear over and over and over again.
A bad thought that just will not go away.
We hear our regrets resounding and reverberating.
Echos from the past always there.
A sad shadow, covering everything we see.
As we move forward with our remorse,
Felt deep within us in.
Most certainly the pain of loss is there.
Creeping into my mind anytime my guard is down.
All those things, I could have said but did not.
All those actions I could have tried harder to avoid, but did not.
All those dreams I had, which required a bit (maybe more) of effort.
Effort?
Yes Effort.
Effort like,
When you sit down a write something, it requires effort.
The thought that come into my mind would derail anyone.
There must be something I can do,
to reverse these horrible losses I have,
Or no longer I have.
The loss of a job?
The loss of a car?
The loss of a house?
The loss of money?
The loss of money that could have been made.
The loss of loved ones for myself- has not been recent,
Yet our collective minds know-
We have faced so many losses- especially in the current time.
Global politics are staring us in our faces everyday.
The issues too large and looming to comprehend and fix, in any given day.
People suffering in ways that most people reading this, cannot possibly comprehend.
Because we are home, cozy in our beds.
Living our dreams- even if only in our heads.
We fall off the track we gat back on.
The track is broken, or not even there!
We blaze a new one.
Getting caught in endless regret about things that have or could have happened.
About all the times we had to speak up and said nothing.
The moment you are living right now- calls for a response!
A blinking cursor waiting for some input.
It's blinking right now, right here on my computer.
It's waiting, it knows you are waiting.
It knows I am waiting?
What knows that I am waiting?
The entire universe-knows.
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Really?
Of course it does.
Waiting for what:
Godot, an answer, another problem, an un-resolved issue.
Life has little tricks built in to it.
For us to discover, uncover and learn.
There are thing we can do to ease our minds.
Over things we view as hopeless.
The shining new day we face, unspoiled without a trace, the sun sets.
No, not the weather-even though often- the rain or snow inspires me.
We find things to look forward to, even if our minds sometimes slip-
Into a lower gear.
Like a car with a damaged transmission.
Can quite get into the higher gear because of an old failing transmission.
Or even slipping back into even yet a lower gear.)
The car metaphor- never quite gets us to where we really want to go.
The day begins, the day ends.
Yes our minds take us into dark places.
Seeking success yet only finding traces.
The card deck of life may still reveal some aces.
Live on less, said the Jack-of all Trades- screaming out of the box.
You can have the bagel and the cream cheese, just forget about the lox.
The lock, the actual lock- just needs a new key!
Life, sing it, live it, bring it.
Stephen C. Sanders
February 18, 2022 9:00am EST
Which at the time seemed like I could
