Second Generation Child of a Hidden Child.

By: Stephen C. Sanders

March 21, 2019 12:20pm

I had never heard this term "Hidden Child" used before I was in my mid 20's. Yet an essential truth of how I have always viewed myself, at my core I am a child of a Hidden Child survivor of the Holocaust. There is no ignoring the situation going on with regard to Russia's war on Ukraine. My heart goes out to the people of Ukraine who have left Ukraine (often with hopes of returning) and I have heard there are as many as 10 Million people being forced out of their apartments, their homes by Russia's shelling often on residential apartment buildings in major cities. 

As a child of a hidden child my personal point of view is that the United States and NATO should have been a lot more proactive as opposed to sitting idly by while the Russian superior arsenal bomb the hell out of residential areas. It's a true humanitarian crisis.

Now, what does it mean to be hidden child survivor of the holocaust and secondly what does it mean to be a child of hidden child? 

I wanted to site a book that was mentioned in by the founder and facilitator of a holocaust second generation group that I attended. he mentioned this book, I found this short explanation on a amazon site where the book is currently being sold:

"As the children of the Holocaust reach adulthood, they often need professional help in establishing a new identity and self-esteem. During their childhood their parents have unconsciously transmitted to them much of their own trauma, investing them with all their memories and hopes, so that they become 'memorial candles' to those who did not survive. The book combines verbatim transcriptions of dialogues in individual and group psychotherapy sessions with analyses of dreams, fantasies and childhood memories. Diana Wardi traces the emotional history of her patients, accompanying them on a painful and moving journey into their inner world. She describes the children's infancy in the guilt-laden atmosphere of survivor families, through to their difficult separation from their parents in maturity. she also traces in detail the therapeutic process which culminates in the patients' separation from the role of 'memorial candle".

A link is provided below if you care to buy and read the book.

https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9781315812779/memorial-candles-children-holocaust-dina-wardi

You can find brief excerpts from the above link:

I also identify with some of what my mother did go through being a hidden child (roughly from 4-10) exact dates are actually unknown, even to this day. 

I have often viewed myself as someone deliberately going through self-denial. In my life I had obtained several relatively high level of accomplishments. These include AA in Biological Sciences, BA Hofstra University, HS Science Teacher, Advertising Sales, Job Developer, Website Developer and Writer.  I've lived in many different places in California and the New York area and currently in North Carolina. 

My feeling that I was on the sideline looking in, was always part of how I viewed myself for my entire life. I often start various projects, yet rarely keep up the sustained effort to produce the desired for result of all my hard work. Or why, even if it did work would only yield some small materialistic gain.

Then, I start developing an entire dialogue (or excuse) that explains why it did not work, or could not work. As a matter of fact, there often is some element of self-sabotage, that prevents me from succeeding. It's been there all the time. It's something I must break through even as I attempt to do more than I have done before.  

I also feel as if for most of my adult life, I have not spoken up when I should have. In other words there always was this need to "throw people off my trail" so they wouldn't know I was Jewish. In many ways my genetic heritage in addition to my emotional inheritance, has set me up to be minimalist, who's primary goal is simply to survive. However, life should be so much than simply surviving. 

It is as if there is some voice within trying to tell me, I must remember what people are capable of doing and use a strategy, that my own mother learned in her formative years. I had to remember that I had to something to hide (like my mom as hidden child had to do, to survive)- a part of me that should not be seen. I also learned her evasiveness to actual questions, her general avoidance of questions in general. In fact somehow on my own, questions altogether were to be avoided. Since receiving questions were bad, I also avoided relevant asking questions. It's as if I have been anti-socialized. Somehow being a minimalist who's primary goal was simply to get through life unharmed, was a part of me. 

In my mind, I too often look back on the way things went down in the past. How things could have been different (usually for myself and others) had things gone differently with my choices and direction. Yet I imagine this must some part of everyone's story. In many ways at this very moment, as I write down these words,I feel conflicted, should I be sharing these words? Or would better if everyone did not know these feelings you have, or know about your being a second surviver. 

Yet as an adult of a mature age, I need to remember that what has transpired in the past, brought us to where we are today. I have to cut this story short because writing these thoughts down for the entire world to see, is activating the part of that is already saying that I have already shared too much about myself. 

Stephen C. Sanders

Tuesday March 22, 2022

Relevant Russian History, to Russia's attack on Ukraine.

How could one compare, WWI, and WWII, and the Russian Revolution, to the state of the world today with regards to Russians invasion (War) against Ukraine. 

Watching the various sources of news, regarding the Russian-Ukraine; may well go down in history, as one more step to a larger more extensive war.

Yet, in the United States, almost everyone in a leadership position (especially the current President) faces various forms of backlash for proposing their plans, that other politicians like or dislike. The fact that Biden stated in his campaign that he will not seek re-election, means he can act on behalf of the United States without placating US citizens. Of course the opposing party (Republicans) will seek to detract from #Joe Biden. Yet foreign policy, with regards to the defensive war that Ukraine is fighting against the stronger military super power, means that they cannot win without help.

Traditionally, policies of appeasement by ceding territory to an enemy of peace (such as Putin's Russia aggression against Ukraine) has never lead to the attacking military force, becoming weaker. Instead the instigators of the war become emboldened, believing, they can take over more sovereign nations with impunity. 

The Allies could not agree on their aims in Russia, however, and Lenin took advantage of their war-weariness. After two years of fighting, the Bolsheviks emerged victorious.

Power, how to use it?

While we sit a home, or working in our jobs, what is our position regarding the defensive war right now?  

Ukraine is fiercely fighting a brave battle, right now, while we get to sit and watch the war and follow on Facebook and comment. 

Let's take a breath and view what it this means from a world-wide perspective. Is it true that something good comes from all things bad, as our US President shares platitudes told to him by his mother? Perhaps. 

What will our grand children's children learn in in their history books? The United States and all of NATO still can do so much more before the ongoing War in Ukraine escalates further. Providing weapons and money for humanitarian assistance for Ukraine, along with crippling financial sanctions against Russia. Is all this aid going to help stabilize and now very un-stable world? 

 Image courtesy of https://supchina.com/2022/02/24/some-chinese-men-express-their-horniness-for-potential-ukrainian-refugees-to-the-disgust-of-netizens/

We need to ask ourselves, what do we expect from the United States and its allies? The financial sanctions of course hurt Russia's economy. What will be needed to stop the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The US along with NATO needs to negotiate using the big stick. Redline the Russian invasion so that further Russian aggression will stop dead in its tracks.

Stephen C. Sanders

March 4, 2022 7:42am

Something Old & New

No this article is not about weddings.

So then what is this short memoir really about?

Here it comes, wait for it:

My Life;

Is what it was, so many years ago,

Things I recall from my past-when I feel so inclined.

Memories, often a place we go to in our minds.

Sometimes we get comfort, sometimes only regret.

This of course, is what we know-

Life is lived, in the moment, the right now.

As I think-I write.

I write what I think.

There is no pause, there is no way to go back.

I think,

Therefore- it happens.

As I write, I recall my regrets.

I also recall, so many joyous days.

The warmth, the caring, the love,

Yet from time to time-

We all get caught in a riff-

A tune we hear over and over and over again.

A bad thought that just will not go away.

We hear our regrets resounding and reverberating.

Echos from the past always there.

A sad shadow, covering everything we see.

As we move forward with our remorse,

Felt deep within us in.

Most certainly the pain of loss is there.

Creeping into my mind anytime my guard is down.

All those things, I could have said but did not.

All those actions I could have tried harder to avoid, but did not.

All those dreams I had, which required a bit (maybe more) of effort.

Effort?

Yes Effort.

Effort like,

When you sit down a write something, it requires effort.

The thought that come into my mind would derail anyone.

There must be something I can do,

to reverse these horrible losses I have,

Or no longer I have.

The loss of a job?

The loss of a car?

The loss of a house?

The loss of money?

The loss of money that could have been made.

The loss of loved ones for myself- has not been recent,

Yet our collective minds know-

We have faced so many losses- especially in the current time.

Global politics are staring us in our faces everyday.

The issues too large and looming to comprehend and fix, in any given day.

People suffering in ways that most people reading this, cannot possibly comprehend.

Because we are home, cozy in our beds.

Living our dreams- even if only in our heads.

We fall off the track we gat back on.

The track is broken, or not even there!

We blaze a new one.

Getting caught in endless regret about things that have or could have happened.

About all the times we had to speak up and said nothing.

The moment you are living right now- calls for a response!

A blinking cursor waiting for some input.

It's blinking right now, right here on my computer.

It's waiting, it knows you are waiting.

It knows I am waiting?

What knows that I am waiting?

The entire universe-knows.

Really?

Of course it does.

Waiting for what:

Godot, an answer, another problem, an un-resolved issue.

Life has little tricks built in to it.

For us to discover, uncover and learn.

There are thing we can do to ease our minds.

Over things we view as hopeless.

The shining new day we face, unspoiled without a trace, the sun sets.

   No, not the weather-even though often- the rain or snow inspires me.

   We find things to look forward to, even if our minds sometimes slip-

   

Into a lower gear. 

   Like a car with a damaged transmission.

   Can quite get into the higher gear because of an old failing transmission. 

   Or even slipping back into even yet a lower gear.)

The car metaphor- never quite gets us to where we really want to go.

The day begins, the day ends.

Yes our minds take us into dark places.

Seeking success yet only finding traces.

The card deck of life may still reveal some aces.

Live on less, said the Jack-of all Trades- screaming out of the box.

You can have the bagel and the cream cheese, just forget about the lox.

The lock, the actual lock- just needs a new key!

Life, sing it, live it, bring it.

Stephen C. Sanders

February 18, 2022  9:00am EST

Which at the time seemed like I could

 

 

Stop Social Sharing Everything, The Growing Facebook Crisis.

Today on Good Morning America, I heard about some new crisis is brewing with Facebook:

The advice that was given was that people should make sure their Instagram accounts are not linked to their Facebook page.  

Living in a time where it seems like we are simply going from one crisis to another, is easy to lose track of what's important in our lives. Socialization, is not simply going online and getting lost in the virtual world. Socialization used to mean (amongst other things) getting school children ready for the real world by going to school. Socialization is the biggest reason that parents who considered home schooling their children, decided to place their children in a public or private school. Yet even this great and hallowed social mixing ground for children has become littered with endless debate. There's no discussing the crisis brewing in the nations's public schools without discussing the Covid-19 pandemic, interrupting the day to day live's of millions of public school children.

Online learning is inferior to in-person education. Yet many people these days use social media to express their own personal point of view seeking to pass it off as fact. This phenomenon is currently happening across so many platforms, that one might wonder where will people go (when news sources have come into so much controversy and earned such a bad reputations) to find out what is really going on it the world? 

  

An editorial (such as this one) is easily utilized as a fact (be it false or true) on the social blogosphere. All someone needs to do is to put together a website (it's not so difficult these days) write a well worded editorial, and post a link to it on Facebook, and suddenly the author of the editorial has become a quotable expert! 

Stephen C. Sanders

February 17, 2022  9:05AM EST